Sunday Reflection: When you lose

Loosing someone you love is terrible no matter the age. It hurts--big time. And there will be grief. 
Recently I stood in a long line of patrons waiting to see the family members of a nearly 81 year old man, during his funeral visitation. He was a fine man who meant a lot to a lot of people including my parents. In line I coached myself on what not to say to his new widow like, “How are you?” I already knew she felt terrible because she'd lost her one and only husband and would now live life without him. 

Of course the first thing I said to her was, “How are you?” But I also told her to take care, which brought tears to her eyes.
There are some things we should do and should not do, say and not say to someone when they’ve lost a person they love.
  •   Don’t tell the grieving that their loved one is in a better place.
  •   Give no advice and share no wisdom with the person who has lost someone.
  •   Listen, listen and listen some more. They need someone to listen to them.
  •   Share good and funny memories.
  •   Say to them that they can call you in the wee hours of the morning when their heart is breaking in two--because it will.
And the bereaved will have to grieve—maybe for a couple of years and maybe for a lifetime. Either way is okay. It's their journey.

During my times of grief, I've moved closer to God because that's where I want to be. I know, He heals the brokenhearted  and binds up their wounds”.  Psalm 137:3 (NIV)
There will be many sad days, but there will be good days again, too. “…weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.” Psalm 30:5 (NIV)

Have a great weekend!


Source: Holy Bible,


  1. A message full of understanding.

  2. My first comment did not go thru. Just want to you know I enjoyed your post. Yes, full of understanding. Wise words. Sometimes just a hug works.

  3. My first comment did not go thru. Just want to you know I enjoyed your post. Yes, full of understanding. Wise words. Sometimes just a hug works.

  4. We just attended the wake of a woman who went to high school with us; I've known her since we were in kindergarten together. I'm never sure what to say beyond, 'I'm so sorry for your loss'. It was actually the family who was saying that they were glad she was in a better place, with her mother and brother, and that her pain (she was battling cancer for years) was finally over. I've been here a little over 2 years and probably attended at least 10 wakes and/or funerals and I'm always stumped as to what to say in the receiving line....

  5. Powerful words for something we'll all find ourselves on both sides of at some point in our lives. Grieving is something our culture does not prepare us well for. Thank you for these reminders.

  6. Listening and being there for them is so important.

  7. Having been on the receiving end of visitors at funerals of loved ones, I know that often the things people say can be a bit awkward. Sometimes just giving that person a hug and telling them "I'm sorry for your loss" is best. I still remember the person who came through the line at my older brother's funeral and when she stopped in front of me, she said "I don't hug" and went on. That was strange! A pat on the shoulder or squeeze of the hand is better than nothing if words fail.

    Very fitting verses! Time does help lessen the pain. And resting in our Father's arms helps most of all.

  8. Yeah there isn't a whole lot one can say, so just be there indeed

  9. Teresa, we know that life is fleeting, but still there is such a sense of loss. It is hard to say the right thing. You did right to listen and listen some more.

  10. Hi Teresa .. definitely the right approach .. such a sensitive time ... and for some extraordinary reason it takes us a while to adjust .. ie to what to say in those situations.

    I hope if and when the occasion arises I've learnt what to do on visits to people in hospital ...

    But a line of folk ... not easy at all.

    Very good post to remind us though .. Hilary

  11. This is timely for me as this past weekend a dear friend of mine lost his wife. Wouldn't you know when I called him yesterday the first thing I did was asked him how he was. After that misstep I was careful in the rest of what I said and pretty well stuck to your advice even though I hadn't read it yet.

    Being there for someone is the best thing we can do. Especially a few weeks down the road when the loss really starts to set in.

    Death is a tough thing to deal with and people deal with loss in different ways.

    Wrote By Rote


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