"Keep scribbling! Something will happen." Frank McCourt

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Hard Times

Hard times brings on weakness. A few weeks ago, I - had this conversation with - God.

Me: God, I’m too old to start over. Why are some trying to de-rail me?

God: Silence

Me: My house is falling down around me and now- my bug man has found one carpenter ant who has chewed a hole in- my -house. There are probably more.

God: Silence

Me: Have you noticed an older woman is nearly invisible. (Wind blows) Is that you, God?

God: Silence

Me: What about my dreams, dreams that I will never see come true? Dreams that were dropped in midair and disappeared?

God: Silence

Me: My new computer died. I couldn’t get anyone to send me a return label. Then I received the label and then the delivery service didn’t pick up the computer the first day, not the second –nope not the third. The computer company called again. They want the nonworking computer back.

God: Nothing

Me: Do you care? Does someone else have your attention?

Road trip to church. Pouring rain 20 miles.

God:  Song on radio

Me: I can barely hear you.

Rain stops. Sun shines. Another 10 miles.

God: Rainbow

Me: I see you- clearly. (breathing deeply)

God: (Radio story) A woman who was married to the same man for 30 years (a miracle) who was killed in a farming accident. He didn’t die then – they got to talk a minute or two. Oh and they had eight children.  One of her dreams died that day.

Me: Silence

God:  Revelation Song (one of your favorites)

Worthy is the,
Lamb who was slain
Holy, Holy, is He
Sing a new song, to Him who sits on
Heaven's Mercy Seat

Me: I hear you now.

God:  (Radio story continues)  Fast forward  two or three years. Daughter of the same woman is killed in a car accident. She was the “troubled” child who after her father died stopped the self-destructive behaviors and accepted that Jesus is the way to a forever life beyond what she could see and know.

Me: Silence

At Church

God: Missionaries speak of millions being killed in Africa’s civil war. Millions. Poverty. Few jobs. Many orphans. Deaths from malaria. Children. Homes made of sticks and mud. Waste running through the ditches. Sickness.

Me: I get it. My troubles are real. You care. You hear your children crying. You are never far from me even when I am far from you.  I must not forget.  "I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds. " (Psalms 77:11-12 NIV)

God: Birds chirping. Breeze whispering. Children laughing. Puppies barking. Babies born. Family. Homes. Freedom.

Me:  Huts of sticks and mud or houses of wood and stone -you care. You are there.

God: Song- Born Again (Third Day)  My Word. My Spirit. My Love for you.

Me: Sorry about the drama. I know that in my weakness, you are strength. I know that you are the same every day, even though I am not... but, you may have to remind me again tomorrow.




Revelation lyrics -Phillips, Craigs & Dean lyrics source

15 comments:

  1. Yes, He is never far from us though we are far from him. Ican see clearly how true this is after converting into Islam five years later. I left him, refused him. yet he didn't leave me even then. He was always very kind and merciful towards me though i was angry and hostile against him. Stupid me! May he be with all of us.

    I liked the new appearance of thy blog. It is so cool!

    Keep well...

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  2. It's so important to look and listen for him all around us, isn't it? Great reminder.

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  3. Yagmur, Thank you for coming by and for liking the new look. I hope you are feeling better these days.

    Elizabeth, Thanks much.

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  4. What great conversation, Teresa!
    Thanks for your thought-provocative post.
    God is always with us. Are we?
    Hope you have a great and productive day!
    B xx

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  5. Very inspiring reminder. He is there, we just have a stop and realize it.

    Mason
    Thoughts in Progress

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  6. He is there even when we feel lost and alone. A reminder to me as well. Thanks, Betty and Mason.

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  7. I've had conversations like that, often. Great reminder. Blessings as you experience God's presence and make things new.

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  8. I love this conversation with God! How many times I have felt sorry for myself then seen someone at the store with no legs. And I love your line, "Sorry about the drama." LOL! I've said that a few times!

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  9. I love this. I mean that sincerely as I have wanted that same conversation--had that same conversation but didn't listen as well as you did. Didn't see all the ways he was showing me he was hearing me. Thank you for this today!

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  10. Beautiful reflection! I love how you defined God's part of the conversation by listing the various ways we can see and hear him. Thank you for those reminders.

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  11. Yes...we must listen. And we must drown out that voice in our head that brings us down. Not easy. Good post!

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  12. Great conversation! Anything that happens.

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  13. This touched me on so many levels. Praise God for speaking to us through unconventional methods. Thank you for being brave in sharing.

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  14. What a powerful conversation. Thank you for sharing.

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  15. Teresa, He does speak to us! Isn't is heart warming?

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