Hard times brings on weakness. A few weeks ago, I - had this conversation with - God.
Me: God, I’m too old to start over. Why are some trying to de-rail me?
Me: My house is falling down around me and now- my bug man has found one carpenter ant who has chewed a hole in- my -house. There are probably more.
Me: Have you noticed an older woman is nearly invisible. (Wind blows) Is that you, God?
Me: What about my dreams, dreams that I will never see come true? Dreams that were dropped in midair and disappeared?
Me: My new computer died. I couldn’t get anyone to send me a return label. Then I received the label and then the delivery service didn’t pick up the computer the first day, not the second –nope not the third. The computer company called again. They want the nonworking computer back.
Me: Do you care? Does someone else have your attention?
Road trip to church. Pouring rain 20 miles.
God: Song on radio
Me: I can barely hear you.
Rain stops. Sun shines. Another 10 miles.
Me: I see you- clearly. (breathing deeply)
God: (Radio story) A woman who was married to the same man for 30 years (a miracle) who was killed in a farming accident. He didn’t die then – they got to talk a minute or two. Oh and they had eight children. One of her dreams died that day.
God: Revelation Song (one of your favorites)
Worthy is the,
Lamb who was slain
Holy, Holy, is He
Sing a new song, to Him who sits on
Heaven's Mercy Seat
Me: I hear you now.
God: (Radio story continues) Fast forward two or three years. Daughter of the same woman is killed in a car accident. She was the “troubled” child who after her father died stopped the self-destructive behaviors and accepted that Jesus is the way to a forever life beyond what she could see and know.
God: Missionaries speak of millions being killed in Africa’s civil war. Millions. Poverty. Few jobs. Many orphans. Deaths from malaria. Children. Homes made of sticks and mud. Waste running through the ditches. Sickness.
Me: I get it. My troubles are real. You care. You hear your children crying. You are never far from me even when I am far from you. I must not forget. "I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds. " (Psalms 77:11-12 NIV)
God: Birds chirping. Breeze whispering. Children laughing. Puppies barking. Babies born. Family. Homes. Freedom.
Me: Huts of sticks and mud or houses of wood and stone -you care. You are there.
God: Song- Born Again (Third Day) My Word. My Spirit. My Love for you.
Me: Sorry about the drama. I know that in my weakness, you are strength. I know that you are the same every day, even though I am not... but, you may have to remind me again tomorrow.
Revelation lyrics -Phillips, Craigs & Dean lyrics source