"Keep scribbling! Something will happen." Frank McCourt

Friday, October 26, 2012

The Hayride


It was Jessica’s idea to attend the hayride, to meet kids my age, but she's abandoned me for a boy on the first trailer. I stretch long to see her. I can’t. Before I turn around, I look at the other teenagers riding on my trailer: two couples lip locked and a guy with Goth black hair wearing clothes with razor cuts. I smile at him then swing my feet off the back edge of the trailer, to face the moonlit gravel road.

The hayride passes a silhouetted house in a field and another house whose yard is lit like Christmas, except, it’s Halloween. Sheet ghosts hang in cobwebbed trees while Jack-o-lanterns form a circle around a cauldron beneath it.

The juddering wagon dips down and drags my feet on the road. “My shoe!”  No one hears me because loud music is playing, except, Goth boy who stumbles over to me, grabs my arm and pulls me off the hay wagon.  As we stand in the road, the hayride disappears around the corner.
“I’ll help you find it.” His face is pasty white. “I’m Jake.”

“Mona.”
Under his chin, he turns on a flashlight that casts shadows upward and over his features, then aims at the road.  We find my shoe, and I stagger to pull it on.  Fauna screams from the woods nearby and something howls.

Jake shrugs. “Coyote maybe.” We hear sticks breaking and movement.  “Run!”
The flashlight goes out, but the road is lit by the moon until clouds cover it. I can hear that I’m walking on the road because my shoes crunch the gravel. Ahead I see a fire and hear guitars and singing. I run in and everybody turns to look.

Jessica runs to meet me. “Where have you been?”
“I—lost—my shoe.” I’m breathing heavy, doubling over. “Jake helped me find it.”

“Who’s Jake?”

We both look behind me. No one is there.
 
 
I loved writing this little tale for Spooktoberfest, but I need to know more about Jake and Mona. Who is Goth boy? Why does Mona need friends? What's up with the house in the field? And what's running after Mona until--it doesn't?
 

25 comments:

  1. Spooky! Loved the story, Teresa. :) And Goth Boy...ha!

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  2. Excellent little diddy. It's definitely peeked my interest.

    Hugs and chocolate,
    Shelly

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  3. That was effective! He was really goth all right.

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  4. OOH! Very creepy. Terrific job!!!

    Thanks for participating in our blogfest. :D

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  5. *shivers* So good! Totally chilling. I really like this!

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  6. Oh, I love it! What a fun little tale.

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  7. Sounds like a much larger story,

    Well told, can't wait for the rest!

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  8. What an ending! Actually, I'd love to read more :)

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  9. ooooo! spooky goodness! i like the vanishing goth guy helper!

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  10. I really like this. Great flash! Would be a good start for something longer, too. Hint :)

    Happy Weekend!

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  11. wow i just loved this--i can see a book a tv series a movie and even a song--for real!!

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  12. Oh I like it! I think it sounds fine the way it is. It's a nice little short tale. Fun read.

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  13. What happened to Jake?! Spooky!

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  14. Ah yes, something in the woods moonlit woods. And were is Goth boy? This was intriguing.

    .....dhole

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  15. Hi Teresa - yes definitely ripe for expansion .. what a great tale - you're so good at the spooky endings .. thoroughly enjoyed this tempting tale - glad it's morning here!!

    Cheers Hilary

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  16. Delightfully spooky! And Jake sounds like my kinda guy (or whatever he happens to be). :-)
    Mina's Resurrection Blogfest!

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  17. I loved the piece and Jake! Caught my interest!

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  18. Fun story. I thought 'Goth boy' and Jake were the same character. This is a ghostly Cinderella story. Well, as far as the shoe goes.
    Nancy

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  19. I really liked this. I was instantly sucked into the story. I think you should make this longer!

    I'm a new follower btw. It's nice to meet you. Great job on this. :)

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  20. Ah the spooky hayride. Those can be scary just getting cut up on those sharp pieces of hay stalks. Its the hay that's the villain.

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  21. wow, love it! great job!

    what a fun story with spooky ending!

    hope you're having a great week ahead~
    xx

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